Parodies Etc.> Parodies: ROTK > Friends Reunited at Isengard
Parody of the "Friends Reunited at Isengard" scene (ROTK)
By Legolas_son_of_Thranduil of Ringbearer
"It’s Aragorn and Wizard-Gray.
They’ve arrived this very day.
Do they come by train? Do they fly?
That Wizard-Gray and kingly-guy?
They come by horse. Riders they are.
They’ve come here from very far.
Their friends come too. They all ride hard.
They all ride here to Isengard.
See two people. They aren’t tall.
They are not so tall at all!
They are hobbits. They are small.
They sit on a broken wall.
PIPPIN: I feel like I’ve worked hard all day
And at the inn, I drink my pay.
Green Dragon serves good eggs and jam.
It also serves green salted ham.
MERRY: It does serve good green salted ham
We went there with Frodo and Sam.
But Peregrin-Pip, you always play.
You never work. You drink all day!
PIPPIN: You are right. You do not lie.
Instead of work, I’d rather die!
The hobbits laugh. The others come.
Merry rises from his bum.
MERRY: Welcome, my Lords! Welcome here!
Come sit down! Come drink some beer!
GIMLI: We’ve run here! We’ve run there!
My pals and I ran everywhere!
We now find you having a ball,
Sitting on a wall that’s tall!
Merry-old-Merry! And Peregrin-Pip!
Pipes you smoke! And beer you sip!
LEGOLAS: We looked for you. It’s as he said.
We thought that maybe you’d be dead.
There was a war. We fought well.
We fought real hard. We fought like hell!
PIPPIN: We fought hard too! We broke a dam!
We earned the beer and green salted ham!
GIMLI: Green salted ham? Green salted ham?
I really like green salted ham!
Did you save some ham for me?
I really like it as you see!
Wizard Gray shakes his gray head
And thinks of what Gimli just said.
GANDALF: Wise and old I am, I am.
But I don’t like green salted ham.
We didn’t come here to talk of jam,
Nor of the green salted ham!
LEGOLAS: But we can talk about my hair.
Is it not blond? Is it not fair?
GANDALF: We will not talk of your elf hair!
Not if it’s blond! Not if it’s fair!
MERRY: We have orders. We must guard.
Treebeard is boss of Isengard.
To Orthanc the riders go
To see the tree that talks so slow.
TREEBEARD: Wizard Gray! I’m glad you’re here!
Why don’t we all go drink a beer?
They each grab a beer. They all sit down
And watch an orc about to drown.
ARAGORN: It’s fun to watch those drowning orcs!
They scream and yell and act like dorks!
GANDALF: Treebeard, are things going good?
Are things going as they should?
TREEBEARD: I can take care of stock and stone,
I can answer the office phone.
Water and wood are easy too.
These things I know how to do.
But look up there! Up in the tower!
It’s a wizard of great power!
GANDALF: He was my friend. He’s Wizard-White.
He must stay there morning and night!
Guard him Treebeard! Guard him well!
For if you don’t, you’ll go to hell!
ARAGORN: That Wizard-White! That Wizard-White!
Can he do spells? Can he still fight?
GIMLI: Let’s just go chop off his head!
Maybe then he would be dead!
GANDALF: He has no power anymore.
He’s even dumber than before!
TREEBEARD: I think I will clean this mess.
I’ll clean till the mess is less.
Then the trees will come back here
They’ll eat some ham. They’ll drink some beer.
Big trees, small trees, red trees, blue trees,
Young trees, old trees, even new trees!
Peregrin-Pip looks over there.
And at the water he does stare.
He sees a thing. The round thing glows.
He tip-toes over on his toes.
It’s a spying stone. It’s big and round.
He picks it up from off the ground.
TREEBEARD: Bless my bark! Oh dear! Oh dear!
I think I need to drink a beer!
ARAGORN: Peregrin-Pip! You put that down!
PIPPIN: Be quiet king without a crown!
What is this thing that’s big and round,
Wizard-Gray, the thing I found?
GANDALF: It’s a thing. It’s made of glass.
Give it here, or I’ll kick your ass!
Peregrin-Pip gives it away.
He gives the thing to Wizard-Gray.
Wizard-Gray wraps it up tight
And makes sure it’s out of sight.
Now, to Edoras the riders go.
And where from then? We do not know!