Parody of the "Friends Reunited at Isengard" scene (ROTK)
By Legolas_son_of_Thranduil of Ringbearer
"Itís Aragorn and Wizard-Gray.
Theyíve arrived this very day.
Do they come by train? Do they fly?
That Wizard-Gray and kingly-guy?
They come by horse. Riders they are.
Theyíve come here from very far.
Their friends come too. They all ride hard.
They all ride here to Isengard.
See two people. They arenít tall.
They are not so tall at all!
They are hobbits. They are small.
They sit on a broken wall.
PIPPIN: I feel like Iíve worked hard all day
And at the inn, I drink my pay.
Green Dragon serves good eggs and jam.
It also serves green salted ham.
MERRY: It does serve good green salted ham
We went there with Frodo and Sam.
But Peregrin-Pip, you always play.
You never work. You drink all day!
PIPPIN: You are right. You do not lie.
Instead of work, Iíd rather die!
The hobbits laugh. The others come.
Merry rises from his bum.
MERRY: Welcome, my Lords! Welcome here!
Come sit down! Come drink some beer!
GIMLI: Weíve run here! Weíve run there!
My pals and I ran everywhere!
We now find you having a ball,
Sitting on a wall thatís tall!
Merry-old-Merry! And Peregrin-Pip!
Pipes you smoke! And beer you sip!
LEGOLAS: We looked for you. Itís as he said.
We thought that maybe youíd be dead.
There was a war. We fought well.
We fought real hard. We fought like hell!
PIPPIN: We fought hard too! We broke a dam!
We earned the beer and green salted ham!
GIMLI: Green salted ham? Green salted ham?
I really like green salted ham!
Did you save some ham for me?
I really like it as you see!
Wizard Gray shakes his gray head
And thinks of what Gimli just said.
GANDALF: Wise and old I am, I am.
But I donít like green salted ham.
We didnít come here to talk of jam,
Nor of the green salted ham!
LEGOLAS: But we can talk about my hair.
Is it not blond? Is it not fair?
GANDALF: We will not talk of your elf hair!
Not if itís blond! Not if itís fair!
MERRY: We have orders. We must guard.
Treebeard is boss of Isengard.
To Orthanc the riders go
To see the tree that talks so slow.
TREEBEARD: Wizard Gray! Iím glad youíre here!
Why donít we all go drink a beer?
They each grab a beer. They all sit down
And watch an orc about to drown.
ARAGORN: Itís fun to watch those drowning orcs!
They scream and yell and act like dorks!
GANDALF: Treebeard, are things going good?
Are things going as they should?
TREEBEARD: I can take care of stock and stone,
I can answer the office phone.
Water and wood are easy too.
These things I know how to do.
But look up there! Up in the tower!
Itís a wizard of great power!
GANDALF: He was my friend. Heís Wizard-White.
He must stay there morning and night!
Guard him Treebeard! Guard him well!
For if you donít, youíll go to hell!
ARAGORN: That Wizard-White! That Wizard-White!
Can he do spells? Can he still fight?
GIMLI: Letís just go chop off his head!
Maybe then he would be dead!
GANDALF: He has no power anymore.
Heís even dumber than before!
TREEBEARD: I think I will clean this mess.
Iíll clean till the mess is less.
Then the trees will come back here
Theyíll eat some ham. Theyíll drink some beer.
Big trees, small trees, red trees, blue trees,
Young trees, old trees, even new trees!
Peregrin-Pip looks over there.
And at the water he does stare.
He sees a thing. The round thing glows.
He tip-toes over on his toes.
Itís a spying stone. Itís big and round.
He picks it up from off the ground.
TREEBEARD: Bless my bark! Oh dear! Oh dear!
I think I need to drink a beer!
ARAGORN: Peregrin-Pip! You put that down!
PIPPIN: Be quiet king without a crown!
What is this thing thatís big and round,
Wizard-Gray, the thing I found?
GANDALF: Itís a thing. Itís made of glass.
Give it here, or Iíll kick your ass!
Peregrin-Pip gives it away.
He gives the thing to Wizard-Gray.
Wizard-Gray wraps it up tight
And makes sure itís out of sight.
Now, to Edoras the riders go.
And where from then? We do not know!