Frodo and Body Odor
(parody of the scene in which Boromir tries to take the ring)
Boromir: None of us should wonder alone. You least of all. So much depends on you... Frodo?
(Frodo ignores Boromir)
Boromir: I know why you seek solitude. You perspire. I smell it day by day. Are you sure you don't smell needlessly?
(Frodo looks frightened)
Boromir: There are effective deodorants, Frodo. Or even powders that we might wear.
Frodo: I know what you would say and it would seem like wisdom but for the body odor I exude.
Boromir: Body odor, we all sweat, Frodo. But to let that odor destroy what social lives we have... don't you see that is madness!
Frodo: There is no other way.
Boromir: I ask only for the chance not to smell your secretion!
(Throws down a pile of wood and takes out a bottle of deodorant)
Boromir: If you could only wear deodorant...
Frodo: No!
Boromir: Why do you recoil? You really smell.
Frodo You sure that it's not yourself?
Boromir: What smell do you think you have? Everyone knows you stink! Everyone moves away! And you will beg for a bath before the end.
(Frodo tries to run away)
Boromir: You fool! You only smell save by unhappy chance!
(Jumps on top of Frodo)
Boromir: Lift up you arms! Give them to me, Give them to ME!!
Frodo: NO!!!
(puts on the ring and disappears)
Boromir: I see your mind. You'll give your foulness to others. You won't take baths. Curse you! Curse you and all the halflings!
Boromir: Frodo. What have I done? Please just wear deodorant, Frodo. Frodo I'm sorry.